Ryden

"I don't know why," you say so casually, not even breaking your step "They say you gain weight with puberty. That's not true. You slimmed right down." I stumble and stare Recalling the hours of exercise Of calculating calories so breathlessly Of forgetting what hunger feels like because it's just the constant state. You don't know about that, but I wonder how you could Not know. I knew you missed it, but I didn't know it was by a mile. By a galaxy.

Strength was never who could do the most with the least. Strength is fighting an enemy even when you're exhausted, even when you don't want to because it's hard and because you're not sure. Strength is being able to change your mind on what strength is.

I eat relatively normally. My weight is in a normal range. I can take a day off from exercising and not have an hours-long panic attack. And yet I’m not recovered. I remember reading at one point that you never recover from an eating disorder, and I feel like that’s true for me. Still, I guess there’s something still in my mind that says ‘I wasn’t that bad, and I’m still not that bad, and if I’m not recovered, it’s only because I never really had an eating disorder to begin with.’ I’ve been...