Navigating Vulnerability on the path to Recovery

One of the most uncomfortable parts of an eating disorder is coming to terms with it. Everyone has a different experience with vulnerabilty and also with their eating disorder itself, but a common experience for many people with eating disorders is the discomfort of being vulnerable surrounding the eating disorder, making it difficult to discuss this matter with doctors, specialists, or even family members and friends.

Unfortuantely, in order to get help you must reach out for it. As I mentioned before, everyone with an eating disorder experiences it differently; some may need the help and structure of specialists and others may just need a good support system to rely on, whether that be a friend or family member. No  matter who you may go to, it will most likely be difficult to discuss your difficult experience with something that most likely took over your life; something that you kept a secret from the rest of the world. 

There are many ways to go about this discussion, and not one is the “right” way. Below, I will list some things that really worked for me when coming to terms with my Eating Disorder with others, whether it was parents, friends, specialists, therapists, etc. I have always struggled with being vulnerable about my emotions and these tricks helped me realize that everything that I went through was real, okay, and something that needed to be discussed.

1. Talk to yourself 

A large part of this experience isn’t even telling the people around you these experiences, it is becoming comfortable with understanding the experience yourself. These two things are directly related; in order to discuss your experiences confidently with others, you must come to terms with the experience yourself. If you have hit the point where you want to discuss your Eating Disorder with others, make sure you break down everything about your eating disorder that you can think of. Think, “What made me want to binge?” or “Why did this happen for so long?”, answer yourself, and then translate these answers into a conversation with yourself. “Mia, this happened to you for so long not because you wanted it to, but because you were stuck in a cycle.” Doing this will help you learn about the experience itself and also help you in future scenarios when you are actively searching for help. 

2. Make a list of everything you want to say

I, fortunately, had a fantastic support system at home that I wanted to go to first before going to a professional to discuss my eating disorder. I recognized how long my eating disorder journey had lasted, so I knew that there were a lot of things that I wanted to say and didn’t want to forget anything. Making a list made it hard for me to back out of specific things that I was scared to discuss with my parents (for me, this being purging and much more). I knew that everything that I had written down was my true feelings, and knew that expressing them was the only way I could get the best help. A tip for this method is to not write down everything word for word of what you want to say. Literally make a list of specific topics thatyou want to mention, so this way everything you say in the moment is very authentic. 

3. Argue for your experience

A lot of people you may have personal relationships with will most likely not know much about eating disorders, and this will most likely lead to false conclusions and ideas of what you may have gone through. After I told my mother about my experience, she told me days later that she did not believe that I had an eating disorder because she didn’t notice any change in the way I ate or looked. In reality, I only ate normally when she was around as well as the rest of my family. I ate very little or binged when they were not looking, to make sure they did not figure out. Misconceptions like this are bound to happen, and it is up to you to fight for your experience, because quite frankly, you are the only one that knows what you experienced, whether that is feelings, actions, etc. Fighting for your experience will give you the proper help.

4. Know what you want but also trust professionals

This is one of the hardest parts about navigating recovery and discussing the future with others. We are all different and sometimes we truly know what kind of things will help us. For example, therapy helps a lot of people, but it might not be something that helps you (It did not help me). What you know about yourself is something definitely worth discussing with specialists, but it is also something that you must not rely on. At the end of the day, specialists know what has helped a large number of people that experienced something similar to you, so it is helpful for you to listen and try out pretty much whatever advice they give you. But as I stated before, you know yourself the best. Try out the therapy or the food plan with an open-mind, but don’t second guess yourself if you start to realize that it really isn’t working out.

Recovery is a hard process, and not the same for anyone. Vulnerability is a large part of the path to recovery and with time your confidence will grow. You must realize that your eating disorder is not something to be ashamed of, it is something to learn about. Take time to understand yourself and this will automatically give you more confidence to discuss it with others.